Now They Reckon I'm Defective

2005-05-04 at 9:43 p.m.

You find me here slightly pissed off. I've just got back from my physics class, during which the course director took me aside to ask whether I would like to take remedial maths classes. It seems that she is concerned about the not-knowing-the-times-tables thing. When I pointed out that I have in fact already taken that class, and that I think my maths skills are unlikely to get any better, she said I was being defeatist. So I had to tell her about the years of extra maths lessons and home study to try to get those damn tables in my head and which proved unavailing. I have never been able to do them, and I have a problem with mental arithmetic! So she asked whether I have a learning disability (she said dyslexia, but I think she meant dyscalcula). Not again! What you have to understand is that since I was seven years old people have been suggesting I have learning difficulties with maths, calling me everything from dyslexic (hello, I learned to read when I was three and my spelling is excellent) to autistic (eh?) to plain old retarded. I have taken every test that exists, and there is nothing wrong with me! Heh. I don't mean to get het up about it, its just irritating to be told this again - do I have a stupid face or something? Every teacher in every institution I've ever been in thinks I have learning difficulties/mental problems/am thick. Anyway I then proceeded to surprise her by informing her that not only did I pass my maths GCSE (she thought I had failed completely apparently) but I won two prizes for maths and a scholarship for physics when I was at school. I do not have a problem with maths, I have a problem with arithmetic.

Aside from being indignant at being treated like there is something wrong with me again, she does have a bit of a point I suppose. I cannot multiply, add, subtract or divide in my head. I have to count on my fingers in a rather specific way. I have great difficulties with subtraction or division even on paper. I count numbers by the prongs on the letters or by dots on the page. I cannot use certain coins. I was fourteen before I learned to tell the time, and I did it by getting a watch with Cyrillic letters on it rather than numbers. I can only figure out my age by reference to the numbers in the year (e.g. it is 2005 which means I will be 25 during this year. By 2010 I will be in trouble). Oh, and I can't do number sequences at all, which means I have wound up with an IQ of 40 before now. Which is a bit embarassing really.

But thats the way I've always been, and so long as I have a calculator and don't panic, I'm fine. Which I pointed out to her.

Aside from that little incident, physics was ok but I definitely need to revise photoelectrics as I have no idea about that sort of thing. I seem to be ok with simple harmonic motion though so thats something.

Earlier on, I went to the new deal place, but I'd forgotten to bring my CV. So I typed out a new one, and a covering letter and speculative letter and our tutor-person said that I could go after that so I got away at eleven. I also spoke to her and she said I could come in late on Friday (and hopefully it won't come out of my holiday allowance) once I explained that dad is coming home in the morning from America and then disappearing off again straight away, and I'd like to see him while he's around. I got into a nice chat with a girl with pretty pins in her headscarf, but I've forgotten her name. Hardly any of the others turned up, but people are pleasant enough. I came home to find mum in a panic, because a friend of my dads' wife had rung up and wanted to go out (she'd earlier cancelled) and mum had to get dressed up as, unfortunately, dad's friends tend to be rich and want to go to fancy restaurants and then go shopping in designer shops. Sadly mum hates clothes shopping, and hates designer shops even more, so she wasn't looking forward to it. Then I had a sleep on the sofa before going to physics, as I nearly fell asleep last night in biology.

I think thats all for now.

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