Of All The Worst Days

2005-02-03 at 2:23 a.m.

First off, had very boring biology lecture. Did not understand it as my biochemistry is non-existent. Found out the lecturer has not written my reference for university yet as I had forgotten to fill my name out on it. So now it has to go next week when I wanted to send it more quickly.

Afterwards...disaster. You see I went to a bookshop, and I was browsing. I saw a book I really wanted - two books actually, but I only had the money for one. Then I thought...other people do it, why not me? So I decided to nick off with said book. Alas I am an inefficient criminal and I beeped as I was going out of the door. Pathetic attempt to bluster not working, I got hauled upstairs and banned from the shop. I also have to pay a civil fine but they didn't call the police so I don't have a criminal record. However I can no longer shop in my favourite bookshop. (Their sales are going to go down...I buy stuff there all the time)

And most of all I am mortified. I thought I was going to faint with sheer embarassment when the security guard took me upstairs - actually got asked if I was alright by one of the staff, as I had gone a funny colour.

I can't believe I was such an idiot. I am hoping they really don't prosecute me (they did take books I actually owned off me and kept them, maybe I can say we're even?) as if I have a record I will be in the shit university-wise. And that the fine will not be too large, because if it is then I will have to tell mum and dad and they will be furious. You are supposed to shoplift - if you're going to - when you're about twelve, not twenty-four.

Felt so ugh afterwards I naturally performed my normal trick. I cut again and have been considerably depressed since, though whether from the crime or the cutting I do not know. All I know is that I am not happy, not with myself or my future.

Shit.

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