Horrible Day

2003-12-04 at 10:40 p.m.

I had a horrible night last night. Woke up at 4pm. I had horrible dreams about someone beating me, and being locked up in a mental hospital. Really nasty. I've been confused all day, couldn't remember where I was when I woke up, and I didn't understand why it was dark.

The whole world seems wrong, lately. Like, none of the normal rules apply - I keep expecting to see someone walk through walls, faces appear in the dark, anything really. Because nothing is right anymore.

I don't feel like me, the world isn't as it should be, everything is wrong and I don't want to be here anymore. I've been thinking over and over again how easy it would be to just take some of mum's nasty pills, that would probably work well, and quickly. But then I think how upset she'd be that i used her pills. More upset than just finding me dead. I might just jump in the Thames, I don't like the idea of suffocating, drowning, or of being eaten by fishes and the like, but its better than life now.

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