Anger, angst etc I'm a cliche

2003-09-29 at 8:13 p.m.

I'm looking forward to a few days of freedom now - my parents are going away until Thursday night! Woo-hoo (believe it or not, this is a big thing for me).

Plus, I see the psychiatrist tomorrow and hopefully he'll sort all this stuff out. I haven't felt too bad the past couple of days, though today wasn't great. I can keep from feeling angry only if I stay away from people, because its physical proximity that seems to trigger it (it certainly triggers me into going haywire, if caught at a bad moment...) and then they all start looking like goblins and away I go. I went to Durham cathedral today, hence the crowds (the Mothers Union were having some service with the Bishop, place was full of little old ladies swooping on people in the teashop). Anyway, people were too close, I was too hot, and to top it all off I think I'm getting a cold, so I was irritable. They didn't start looking like goblins though so I was relatively ok.

With any luck the psychiatrist should be able to do something to stop this - though I'm going to warn him that if he says its the moclobemide which has started this, I'm just going to stop regardless. I'm not living in constant fear of myself, thanks very much.

Anyway, dosing myself on lemsip now. I can always tell the seasons have changed - I get a cold! Looking forward to the rest of the week when I can do whatever I want and it'll be silent (well, if I want it to be).

I won't have to worry at all about my anger then because there'll be no one to get angry at - and I don't get angry with myself. Disgusted, yes, but not angry.

I've been feeling depressed again too - lots of nice images of hanging coming back. At the moment though, I don't know that I care. I'm sick of being confused about what I want, and I don't exactly appreciate all the angst about the future either. *sigh* que sera sera and all that.

Have just looked at Elf's diary. Funny she mentions Waking the Dead (TV show) being triggering, I didn't find it so. I watch it all the time actually - but thats because I fancy Trevor Eve (*blush* thats a bit embarrassing). *cough*

er, well thats it for now, will be back online...on Friday maybe?

Till then,

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