Last entry for a while.

2003-06-29 at 9:37 p.m.

Well, my parents are coming up tomorrow to move me out of this flat, and they're taking the computer with them so I may well not be updating for a while. Well, actually, I have no idea when I'll be able to update next as we don't have a computer connection in our new house, and even if I get somewhere to live, it'll be a while before I can get hooked up. So thats why this page is going to stay for quite a bit!

I'm seeing the Housing Officer for the council on Thursday morning (9am!!) so hopefully he'll give me somewhere to live that isn't a hostel if I tell him I can stay with friends for a few weeks. I hope he gets me a flat somewhere!

I've got tons to do. I've got to get out of my £121 library fine, take all my books back, register for graduation (about two months late, but hopefully they'll still let me) pack the rest of my things, clean my flat, give back books to a lecturer...etc etc etc

Phew! I'm still tidying at the moment, and I've filled three boxes with books and papers so far. I've still got a ton of books though - dad's bringing up some extra boxes tomorrow. Tonight I just have to clear the junk up and then try to freshen the flat so it doesn't stink of smoke when the parents come. And hide anything I don't want them to see - mostly just making sure to hide or get rid of the razor blades. By tomorrow it'll all be gone so I can do what I want for the rest of the week, as I don't have to actually move out until Thursday itself.

I've actually been feeling quite good for the past few days - I think actually getting some physical exertion may be helping there. Maybe the new drugs are working too - I've even managed to regain some of my interest in theology, so it looks like I'm on the way back to normal. I'm not out of the woods yet though - I still feel crap if I think of the future, and I still am having thoughts of suicide, and of cutting, but if I concentrate on day-to-day then I'm reasonably ok.

I'm going out tomorrow night (celebrating the end of all the exam work), then my upstairs neighbours and I are going out drinking on Tuesday and I'll arrange something for Wednesday too - I'm not staying in a flat with no TV, no computer, no books!

I'm quite sad to be leaving here though - I've had some good times. And some awful ones too of course, but its been my home for two years, and I'm sad to be leaving it, especially as I have no where to go. I'm not looking forward to being at home again - which is why I'm going to beg the Housing Officer for somewhere to live. It'll not take long if I go home for mum to notice my scars, and I really don't want that to happen. I don't have any long-sleeved nightclothes, and the ones I do have have blood stains on them which don't seem to have come out in the wash. So if the Housing Officer tells me he can get me something in a couple of weeks then I'm going to London - where the only person there (and then only infrequently) will be my dad. He'll not notice the scars, because he'd never come into my room when I was in nightclothes without knocking first - so I'll be able to hide them. Also I can go to the British Museum, wander around bookshops, go to libraries, sit in the pub...it'll be a little holiday. Actually I might be getting a proper holiday - mum and dad have hinted that they might pay for one as a present for getting my degree! I think I'll either go to Ireland or one of the islands (in Scotland) and go by myself if I can persuade them to let me.

So...wish me luck with the Housing Officer (still no job on the horizon so either barwork or the dole is on the cards if I do get somewhere) and I'll update when and as I can.

-Blaed

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