Lots of trips, still feeling crap

2003-06-24 at 1:23 a.m.

um. Well, I went off to stay with a friend on Friday night. I was only supposed to be going for a few hours and ended up staying the night playing Grand Theft Auto because I started playing and then everyone fell asleep! It was weird - was seeing Lynn's kids!

Then I slept most of Saturday. My parents came up briefly on Sunday and I gave them a couple of boxes of stuff to take away. I'm officially moving out of here a week today - so from then I shall be computer-less for a good while, possibly.

Went to see another friend of mine, Sophie, on Sunday. She has a little baby, who's surprisingly giggly, considering most kids spend their time throwing up or screaming! We ended up watching TV, they gave me their spare copy of the Matrix (#1) and I bought the new Harry Potter book. I've just finished reading it actually, it was ok.

Aside from that, I've not been doing a great deal. I have to get my flat sorted out so I can move properly. And I have an appointment with the Housing Officer for the council on a week Wednesday to see whether he'll give me somewhere to live. I doubt that'll be much fun, being questioned as to whether I really need a council flat. Still...anyway on a week wednesday I have to leave my flat so I'll have to sleep on someone's floor that night. I hope the council man doesn't decide to put me into a hostel or some manky flat out in the middle of nowhere.

Actually this week is really going to be crunch week. I desperately don't want to go home - its not going to be long before mum notices there is something wrong with my arms. Its going to get to be too hot to wear long sleeves shortly, and certainly too hot to wear long-sleeved stuff in bed. *sigh* the only way I can avoid her knowing is not to be there. Plus I haven't registered for graduation so I have to think of an excuse for my nana, and I still owe the university £121. I really don't want to have to go through getting a referral to another psychiatrist, more medication, seeing lots of new people - and I don't like my GP at my parents house, as he doesn't believe in medical confidentiality.

To be honest, the temptation to make another - and hopefully this time successful suicide attempt is getting very much stronger, and is likely to continue to do so this week, what with all the stress. My options are limited - I have new meds (monocromebide or something similar) but they won't kill me if I overdose, plus the last experience of that wasn't exactly pleasant, what with the throwing up. I'll have to try something else, I suppose. Or I could ring that emergency number the psychiatrist gave me - but I wouldn't know what to say, I'm not very good at verbal communication. I'll just have to see how it goes, I suppose.

Oh, some good news - I've had my degree confirmed. I've got a 2:1, and they didn't need to take the medical notes into account to upgrade me because I made it on merit anyway.

-Blaed

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