Went to a friend's house, new poem.

2003-05-26 at 4:07 a.m.

Its been a couple of days or so since I last posted. I went out last night with Lynn, Shirley and Gillian. Well, not exactly "out" as we went to Lynn's flat and ended up watching the Sound of Music and drinking rather a lot. Got offered some pot, but as I got a headache from the smoke of someone else's joint, declined, somehow I don't think it'd agree with me!

Bit weird watching SoM, I'd never actually watched it before. Gillian kept practically drooling over Christopher Plummer which I thought was a bit peculiar. Hmmm.

Anyway, ended up leaving at 6am! We'd not set out to stay so late, but never mind. Got a taxi back with Gillian.

I'd meant to stay awake as long as possible so that I wouldn't end up buggering up my body clock for the rest of the week, but no luck. Hopefully it won't be out too badly.

Been feeling very strange lately. Its like I'm both depressed and slightly high all at once. I find that confusing, and unpleasant. I don't know what I'm doing really, whether I'm getting better, getting worse, staying the same, anything! One minute I'm wanting to die, but I'm wanting to go dance around a tree or something at the same time. Ick.

Pub quiz tomorrow though, which should be nice, assuming I wake up in time. Hopefully I'll be able to sort out my digital camera soon so I'll be able to actually look at the pictures I've been taking!

Wrote a new poem, all in a rush, not quite sure why:

The Fantasist

I'm a fantasist marking out time
A traveller in strange cities
I am everything I do not know
I fail to comprehend myself.

The clocks are ticking inside my head
Driving hopes and dreams asunder
Confusing me, losing me
Broken in my own brain.

I'm a fantasist dreaming in the day
Viewing srange vistas in flashes
Juddering inside like two people dancing
Dancing my thoughts away.

The whirlwind sticks close by me
Uplifting and bowing me all at once
Whirling all I know to pieces--
I'm a fantasist marking out time.

My mum always calls me a fantasist, so I suppose this is what this is about, that and the confusion I've been having lately.

I still haven't restarted taking my pills, which I suppose I should. I do feel all "juddery" inside - you know when you're really tired, and its like there are two of you, one higher than the other who keeps bouncing up and down, making you feel funny? I feel like that all the time at the moment, whether or not I'm actually tired. Irritating.

Ho-hum. Well, I'll get back to surfing. I'd like to start another diary - a religion one - but I'm not sure whether Diaryland allow it. And I can't find the TOS so I'm going to go have a little look-see.