parents coming up on Monday

2003-05-18 at 12:33 a.m.

Nothing much, really. I woke up really late because I was so tired yesterday. Went out and got food, had a little chat with the guy in the shop (I go in there a lot...) came home and went straight on the net.

My parents rang though. They're coming up to see me on Monday for lunch.

On the one hand that'll be good because I haven't seen them in ages and I do like my parents. Plus dad's bringing me "a present" from when he went to America for some big oil conference, and I asked him to get me a digital camera. He said he got my present from an electronics store, so hopefully he has got me one! That'll be great - if I do get one, expect to see a new website with a ton of photos of UK locations for download!

On the other hand, my parents don't know about the depression, the suicide attempt, and definitely not about the cutting. My left arm is completely covered in scars on the underside now, and they're all really red after that conversation with mum on Tuesday. Thats not too bad, because I could cover my arms by wearing a long-sleeved shirt (which reminds me that I have to get the bloodstains out of my decent one). But, of course, like the stupid idiot I am, I cut three lines into the back of my left hand, and a line around the base of one of my fingers. I was using them to make me tell my friends about it all, and though they've faded a fair bit, they're still noticeable. Especially when your mother has eagle eyes like mine does.

I don't think I can get away with saying they were accidental. One, maybe, I could say I caught it on something while drunk, but three? And they're at different angles so its a bit unlikely I'd have got them over one night. So I'm going to have to hide them in some way. I can't just not use my hand (especially if we're having lunch) so I'll put some makeup or something on them, and hope that covers them. If pushed, I'll lie and say I visited Lynn and her cat attacked me.

But aside from the scars, I'm quite looking forward to being taken out. It'll be nice to go out for lunch - especially if we find somewhere nice, with white linen tablecloths and shiny cutlery, that'd be nice. They're not staying long because I have my pub quiz on Mondays.

Of course the trouble is, I wanted to tell them about everything before they arrived. But they're travelling up to Newcastle tomorrow so I can't tell them then. And I don't want to tell them on Monday because I'd like the telling part to be remote, rather than face-to-face. Argh, bugger it. I'm not going to tell them just yet. Wait until they go home, then I'll say.

They have to know soon, because even at the most I'm not taking all of my exams, and not graduating in July, so they're going to wonder. And, of course, I'm not getting a "proper" job, and they'll need to know why I'm not getting one or they'll force me to go home. Just hoping that when I tell them they won't make me go home anyway.

I could always get myself sectioned to avoid that!

-Blaed

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